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Articles and Other Thoughts of the Day

Tone Matters!

Dealing with stress and the chaos during a divorce or modifications, is expected, however it doesn’t have to control your life.

One of the biggest stresses client’s face is co-parenting during and after divorce.  The Parent that was more likely to oversee the children’s schedule is the parent that has more expectation of the other party to run the ship as they would.  This is not the case.  The other party must figure out their own way of maneuvering the children’s schedule.  This is progress.  This is what we want to see.

The trick is to understand that your way may not work for the other party by their selves anymore.  However, you still can help guide the ship, but it is how you deliver the direction of the guidance.

Suggestion: How do you deliver direction in your business life? Without EMOTION.  When texting or emailing the other party, deliver your direction with a business tone.  This will ensure the other party does not take offense to your direction and might be more likely to follow your direction.  Which in turn will be less stressful for you.  Also, the other party may respond back to you in a business tone.  Getting in the habit of using this tone with each other could change the direction of communication, which will benefit you successfully.

It depends….

When I was in law school, I had a professor who always answered our questions by saying “it depends”.  It was maddening!  My fellow law students and I tried all year to get him to answer with a “yes” or “no.”  We failed at every attempt.

Now, having practiced law for many years, I think I get it.  While the statutes strive to ensure people similarly situated are treated the same, people are not always similarly situated. 

If you ask me whether or not you will receive – or have to pay – child support and how much will it be, my response is (shudder), “it depends.”  It depends on the incomes of the parties, the parenting time schedule, who pays the health insurance and the cost of day care. 

If you ask me whether or not you will receive – or have to pay – alimony (also known as maintenance), my response is the same:  “it depends.”  It depends on the incomes of the parties, length of marriage, age of the parties, standard of living during the marriage, and several other statutory factors.   

And if you ask me how much the divorce process costs, the answer is, “it depends.”  I can honestly say, the more you and your soon-to-be-ex fight, the higher the cost.  The more agreements we reach, the lower the cost.  This is why I strive to work with you to identify your goals, determine what is worthy (and NOT worthy) of litigation, and try to calm things down.  I’m not a push-over, but I refuse to argue for the sake of arguing.  Sometimes a trial is the only method to resolve a case – and I love a good trial.  But for your sake, I would much rather we resolve your case in a manner that is cost effective, reduces future conflict, and allows your family to move forward with a “new normal.” 

So if I get the chance to meet you, and answer one of your questions with, “it depends,” don’t worry. We will figure out the best solution for your family based on your individual circumstances.